Every once in a while I enjoy going back through the files of these missives of wit and wisdom I jot down weekly and I came upon one that I had forgotten that I had written. It made me chuckle and I thought it too good to remain buried so here it is again.
Once upon a time in a small town not so very far away or so very long ago lived a happy young couple. She wasn’t exactly a princess and he wasn’t always charming. They had not been blessed with children but they did have a dog, a Pomeranian/Great Dane mix named Prince who wasn’t always charming either. They shared a nice little ranch house quite peacefully and usually happily. He worked hard as a muffler salesman and she stayed at home to care for Prince who had a bad case of separation anxiety and was inclined to eat the couch when left alone. She filled her days tending to her household chores and when taking a break from these sometimes mind dulling activities, she watched “The Dog Whisperer” or any show that was on the Home and Garden Channel. Life as they knew it was pretty good.
Hubby announced one evening over his Kentucky Fried Chicken with two sides for $19.99 that he would be away for a week on business. The next morning he pecked his wife and patted Prince, hopped into the minivan and drove off into the sunrise. Wifey (We’ll call her Ann even though her name was Barbara) decided to go shopping. She made a stop at the ‘Just A Buck Plus Tax’ store to pick up a jar of the Chinese spaghetti sauce they both liked.
While there she wandered around and what to her wandering eye should appear but a pile of new place mats that she just loved. The kitchen could use a splash of color she decided and four bucks wasn’t a lot so she purchased them. Back at home, after repairing the couch and counseling Prince as she had learned from TV, she placed the place mats on the table. They brightened up the table all right but clashed with the wall color.
She decided to repaint the kitchen to surprise her husband. A quick trip to the hardware store and a couple of hours with a roller and the job was done. Now the walls and the place mats coordinated but the cabinets now looked dull. She made a quick trip to the kitchen supply store, picked out new cabinets, made arrangements to have them installed the next day, went home and repaired the couch while waiting.
The new cabinets looked great but didn’t really go with the countertops. According to the Home and Garden Channel, granite was the only way to go. The granite countertops looked great but now the avocado colored appliances looked dated so off to the store again where she picked out a whole set of stainless steel appliances, went home, repaired the couch and waited for their delivery.
After their instillation, she decided that the kitchen was done. The only problem was now the updated, color coordinated kitchen made the dining room look dull and outdated.
Room by room she worked her way through the house. Finally the inside was done to her liking and she turned her attention to the by now dull and boring exterior which seemed to be totally lacking in curb appeal. She had the house resided, redid the front porch, had a curved walkway surrounded by two beautiful gardens put in and a fountain built. Now totally satisfied with her efforts and thinking how surprised her husband would be, she awaited his return, occupying her time by repairing the couch again.
Unfortunately he never returned, He drove around the neighborhood for hours and couldn’t find his house so finally decided to run off with his secretary, the one he had spent the week with — business trip — Baloney!
Ann finally realized that he wasn’t coming back and started a successful decorating and re-upholstery business.
She and Prince lived happily ever after.
Thought for the week — What disease did cured ham have?
Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.
Reach Dick Brooks at Whittle12124@yahoo.com.