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Whittling Away: Knowing your place in the family hierarchy

July 6, 2018 11:36 am Updated: July 6, 2018 11:50 am


Our family unit is surprisingly functional considering the fact that we are each strong willed independent individuals. It’s probably due to the fact that we each recognize our place in said unit and are able to perform our daily duties without interfering with the others.

For example, I’m the “Fixer.” If anything doesn’t function, it’s mine. If I can get it working, that’s great. If I can’t get it working, I’m also the “Trash Man” so I get to dispose of the dead thing. Efficient isn’t it? Kind of cuts out any middle man.

I can’t take any credit for the organizational effort that went into planning the family hierarchy, that’s the Queen’s job. The Princess helps her in these matters when she’s home since she is a Queen-in-training. I pretty much do as I’m asked and go where I’m requested to go, which may explain why the family unit functions so well.

I don’t want you to think that I’m just some wishy-washy dishrag (although the dishes usually fall into my domain). There are areas where I’m in complete control. For example, I am recognized by the other family members as the “Keeper of the Remote.” I guard it, usually have it on my person, replace its batteries and in general, never let it out of sight. This is an important role that the other family members don’t seem to see as important.

Before I assumed this awesome responsibility, one of the most frequently asked questions in the evening was, “Where’s the Remote”? Granted, I was usually the one asking the question and was usually the one who did the searching necessary to return it to it’s rightful place.

It might be anywhere, I’ve hunted it down under the sofa cushions, in the computer cabinet, on the back of the sink in the bathroom and even on one occasion, in the refrigerator. After having pondered it a bit, I’ve come to the conclusion that the whole remote thing is mostly male orientated. It’s probably a throwback to the days when the male was dominate and ruled the roost with fang and fist. That was back before the “Home and Garden Channel” came along.

Lest I raise the wrath of any females out there, I don’t hog the television. The Queen and I usually sit after our evening repast and watch the news together and discuss the day’s events. After the news, I switch the television to the “Home and Garden Channel” so the Queen can get her daily fix.

I usually do this without protest since I’ve come to realize that after a hard day and a nice supper, about 10 minutes of two guys re-doing their adorable loft apartment in Manhattan or a professional organizer working on someone’s sock drawer and the Queen’s out like a light, leaving me free to watch the more male orientated programing — if I know where the remote is.

I don’t think I’m unusually fixated on this family duty as “Keeper of the Remote.” I don’t have one of those cool holsters you can hook on your belt — yet! There are these neat things you can hang over the arm of your recliner that have pockets for four or five remotes and a TV Guide even, I’m sure you can find them on QVC, I’ll look and let you know. I have considered drawing a line around the remote on the table next to my chair so everyone will know where it belongs but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Well, it’s time to take out the trash and then there’s dishes to do. If you’d like to watch TV, just let me know, I know where the remote is.

Thought for the week — if you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and will never achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.” — Dave Berry

Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

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